handsondeck-

2007-04-27T02:11:00.000+08:00

it seemed so many things happened during the past week, although i dont seemed to feel any changes around me. wells, im certainly not prepared for school just yet and i need to start the ball rolling soon ah. FYP selection was NORMAL, biodiesel really SUICIDE sia. Thank God i wasnt left feeding the scraps and scrumbs. i feel unjustified in this balloting a little, some people dont deserve the good projects, while people who should be taking it got the lousy ones. wells, life goes on i guess. okay milan and liverpool lost their first legs, i am quite sad. but its still half - time. i've got a feeling milan still going to make it through, and liverpool really gotta pull their socks up to the max if they wanna go to the final in athens.

so life's been revolving around school and church. CG was always great, i say. progressive commitments in life as a Christian. i have LOTS in my life, family, friends, churchies and studies. so many sia, but im going to leave my comfort zone and fufil what God has installed in my destiny. its not easy, but i know as time goes by i will be better. ohwells, SJI will get back the B division title tmr! im excitedd!

security, spirit, strength, might. i pray all these in abundance for us.

2007-04-20T02:08:00.000+08:00

i think i really try too much at times,
so i am just going to be natural in everything now.

SAVE ME, JESUS.

2007-04-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

prayers do work! i'm so happy for so many people that ive prayed for. especially, that special someone who had made such a huge impact in my life. i wanted to bang my head onto the wall when i received that news, because i was so happy. no, happy wasnt the right one.
estatic, overwhelmed or maybe psychedelic. haha you would think i am mad. but i dont care because i know there's someone who has cared and has answered my prayers.

school is back to the agenda. well, the one thing that really excites me is the new street soccer court. no, i should say more souls being saved. it is so different, now i have to juggle on 3 fronts and if i fail to plan, i will plan to fail. i should say 4 since i did not include my family as one of my priority. shame.

someone asked me this funny question. why didnt God put us humans in a way that we only have our eyes being casted on that specific someone. like we will know that is the only person that will be spending your life with. this would prevents many mishaps and breakdowns and make this world a better place. HAHA, wells i dont know why God dint put it this way although i hoped he did but im sure He has his reasons? LOL.

2007-04-11T12:58:00.000+08:00

RADICAL.

LORD, YOU ARE ALL I SEE.
YOU HAVE MY HEART.

ACCELERATE!

2007-04-03T01:54:00.000+08:00

the tough will inevitably become strong.

just keep believing, keep holding on.

no last resort, no sweet escaping.

All things are possible with God.

2007-03-28T00:19:00.000+08:00

all i need is faith, to see a miracle in me. we fall at times, dust off to pick ourselves up again, and continue moving on from there. but wait, some falls are really hard to take and it may seem difficult to pick up the pieces from there. it may seemed impossible and as time goes on, your fear became a reality. sooner or later, you would realise it had turned into a vicious cycle. you would feel your life has already ended after losing something you were so keen and familiar with. you became mentally deranged and lethargic. everything you do is half-hearted and deceptive. you are busy doing many things, well actually still pretty much void in the inside. nothing was going right.

well 2 years was the timeline till God came into my life. He has filled my heart with all His love and gave me this strength i couldnt describe to stand up again and carry on. He has always been with me, urging and supporting. He has taught me a sense of love that i never felt before. with faith, all things are possible. Praise the Lord.

2007-03-24T15:52:00.000+08:00

Songs are the most honest form of human expression there is.
There's nothing that lies about a song.

hahaha.

2007-03-22T00:27:00.000+08:00

Making April - These are the Nights

Our bodies to hand with the Jersey shoreline
Connecting the tide to the sand that was dry
And we both laid entwined, stared at the night
Clouds overhead, but that was all right
Cause then and there with the wind in your hair
Heaven was jealous to merely look fair against you
And all I need now is for this moon to keep light in its desolate skyline for good

Cause these are the nights that you know when youre there
You couldnt have planned it much better I swear and you hope
That your senses arent failing you now
And you think to yourself now I could be wrong
But I might have just stolen this scene from a song and you know
That your senses arent failing you now, but theyre slipping away

So divine is this happening
Cant I just graze your skin
For the rest of our time
But time isnt letting this night go on
Till then and there, the wind in your hair
Nothing in this world could keep me from staring at you
And all I need now is for that sun to stay under its glowing horizon for good, whoaoaoa

Cause these are the nights that you know when youre there
You couldnt have planned it much better I swear and you hope
That your senses arent failing you now
And you think to yourself now I could be wrong
But I might have just stolen this scene from a song and you know
That your senses arent failing you now
Failing you now

You could get lost in a night like this
So empty your thoughts and open your heart to the bliss
These are the nights, these are the nights
These are the nights, these are the nights

2007-03-18T01:03:00.000+08:00

okay, so this weekend is coming to a close. i have been surviving 6 to 7 hours of sleep, and finally i can rest tomorrow the whole day. anyways, i feel somewhat different in today's sermon. i am challenged to give my best to the building fund. so, i should spend wisely now. played lan for two consecutive days, can really faint ah. cine now has good pool tables, so lovers of the game please do check there out. never mind about the crowd, that is. and i saw my timetable. sweet carousel. hahahaa. it's practically summer school la. 4 days a week for school, with 2 days in it not even a half day. bye bye hair.

2007-03-15T01:09:00.000+08:00

people tend to take you for granted when you are nice to them. hahahaha. i think i should expect the least. that would make me a happier person. i wonder whats the number of passer-bys people will encounter in their lives. sometimes, humans just takes things too seriously and create unnecessary problems for themselves. TOO FREE ALREADY.

oh no, im catching eunice's bug.

2007-03-09T23:03:00.000+08:00

thank god it's friday. TGIF. i learnt this today, which makes it timely appropriate to use it. oh wells, seriously i really dread going there. i was thinking about myself the other day, since i like sports reporting so much, why dint i took up mass com. okay, i cant la actually. back to the topic, CPTC really really damn sian. no signs of entertainment at all. cannot wait to get out sia. okay i'm glad liverpool won! and they will be facing psv in the quarterfinals. tough game la seriously, though they should've the edge. ac milan playing bayern! i shall talk about liverpool since majority of people would understand.

Certainly one of the less mouth-watering, unfancied and anticipate ties of the quarter-finals. Sleeping english giants Liverpool taking on a freshly rejuvenated looked PSV Eindhoven under the new era of Ronald Koeman. Deja Vu, with them already squaring off against each earlier in the group stage. Liverpool has the psychological edge as they had drawn at Holland and won a great match in England. That makes PSV a massive underdog going into this tie. Bookmakers certainly has one eye on Liverpool, favouring them to progress into the next round after knocking out the defending champions Barcelona in the previous tie. But this tie is more than already decided, i said. They are a compact unit, with a strong defense at the back. Alex and Salcido are great defenders with huge amount of physical strength, and it would make the attackers very difficult to penetrate and get past them. Their backline is also being protected by their captain, Philip Cocu, a legendary defensive midfielder in this modern football, his vast experience and knowledge about the game will be a key element in the match. Jefferson Farfan is the player to watch out i should say. He is a very pacy midfielder which runs at the defenders and the shooting ability of his is top notch. He is their main man and PSV will be passing alot of balls to him to impact a huge influence onto the game. Also never forget, Edison Mendez and Aruna Kone. Both are very speedy players and on their day, they can be the men to watch out as they always score important goals for the team. Liverpool must know this is no easy walkover and at this stage of the competition, anyone is as good so there is no place for complacency as they search for their second european cup win in 3 years.

okay. thats about it. see, i have the potential right. HAHA.

2007-03-07T22:04:00.000+08:00

dammit. very sian. poly system suck to the ultra max core. why cant it based on your 3 best semester results. foreign students please go back to your own respective countries, machiam extras take up place in singapore unis. so biased man. one battle in college, six battles in poly. its a season based, and i am lying below the mid table with 2/3 of the campaign already gone. i can jolly well kiss goodbye and say hello to australia! unless, that certain thing can help me....

2007-03-02T22:34:00.000+08:00

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!"

Eloisa to Abelard -Alexander Pope

he bears memories like a widow with her quilt.
never letting go, only renewing hurt.
like an old scab, tearing open,
bleeding,
wanting only to feel again.
numbness might not be = sadness fading away.

everlasting pain, like tickling one's feet for long.
good cheer became unbearable torturous pain.
watching as another provides what he could not
nor did it matter anymore.

all that was left became undone.
loosened.
hoping for the same warmth that she used to leave.

this very imprint that her soul left on mine.

"perhaps, tonight, i could make-believe."

that happily ever afters happen,
and princesses look beyond faces and carriages.

what is more ironic in this world than waiting.
hoping. waiting. hoping. waiting.

he looked down at those hands.
now barely skin and bones.
wrinkled as his face was
the one in his mind's eye never aged.

just another star

2007-03-01T00:11:00.000+08:00

life is so mundane. forgive and forget, relieve and regret. there's too many feelings injected inside of me, which is not good la. i still think even when my mind is tired now. sian sia. anyways, good luck for those people who are collecting their results this friday. especially you.

oh education, please hurry up.

2007-02-25T02:08:00.000+08:00

did some running today. that's all i can asked for now, really. anyhow, hide and seek in esplanade was tahahaha. okay, i saw this teeshirt worn by a guy in city link today and it has his shirt printed at the back germany's first team players, with the manager's name in front. so unique. i would love to have something similar to wear.

i do care for the people around me although my actions at times may not vouch for that, dammit.

2007-02-23T01:36:00.000+08:00

Keep Holding On - Avril Lavigne

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend
Yeah, yeah

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

2007-02-21T23:22:00.000+08:00

ah, life going to be in turmoil next week. the hardest 6 weeks of my life perhaps. gerrard is going to inspire tonight, and liverpool will take a good result back. there's so many things i feel like buying, but i couldn't bear to spend a penny. uptight financially now, so buying stuff should be a taboo subject. oh wells, cny has been more purposeful this year. went around for visitation more. i would like to love someone who appreciates and love soccer, enjoys watching with me on a sofa couch. random thought, haha.

mend it like wilko, jem.

2007-02-15T00:03:00.000+08:00

happy birthday mom! :)

so, v day. what's the signifance of it for those people who are single. well, its a time to enjoy friendships and stuff, or on a boring note, stay home and rest. i chose the latter one today. im not gonna pour cold water and rubbish anything about this occasion. i think i would be a sadist if im gonna say its over-hyped. oh wells, basically i feel fine. i would like to thank the Holy Spirit. i'm gonna justify my promise and not think anything about r/s, though sometimes the Devil speaks. one sided love is a little fantasy of your own, so can i please beg anyone out there not to. the person you like though might not feel the same way as you do, but the world does not ends here. there's so much more to learn and try. that's what i learnt. oh wells, watching epic movie tomorrow and hopefully i can do some shopping for new year. im just being superstitious that i need to wear new stuff as it will bring me luck and care over the year. i think i really support local shops like fourskin and 2001. their material are good for me. a little tight up nowadays so im still deciding whether i should get some sneakers since my dunks,converse,forum are already so eons ago. but what shoes can i think of other than lacoste when they do not have the design i want. bugis street seriously the fashion now among me i guess but im not really a fan there. a little hong kong here and there. oh well gotta find something for mom tmr, love her so much till death. part of the reason why i dont feel lonely during vday. hohoho. aiights. thats what happening in me, so i hope i satisfy those people who still comes to this dumb blog of mine. adios.

2007-02-11T13:47:00.001+08:00

we always want more than we can have.

so what's another word for desperate?

plain stupidity.

2007-02-10T11:05:00.000+08:00

exams are over so that's good, turning out well is another thing. had cg which is good, great to be closer with them. except sabotaged to do funny faces, oh wells be a clown at times to satisfy people desire still not so bad. chinese new year is coming! haha. dint really buy anything yet perhaps next week. primary school gathering is tonight, damn funny la.8 years or so after we got separated and get to meet up again. wow thats gonna be a spectacle. same place again. im more looking forward to dinner on monday. thats gonna be quite exciting. but i know my role and purpose, so i'll stop it there if there's any distraction within. its not the time yet. im already happy if i can play some soccer. thats terrific for me now. so so amazing. im not hoping i still can be jonny. but just a bit part of player would be God's utmost blessing la. im old let the younger teammates to have better influence in the team. not cliche.

i love the Holy Spirit.
i could sing of your love forever.

2007-01-31T14:48:00.000+08:00

from you, i find peace. you are my desire, i am your true worshipper.

Lord i give you my heart,
i give my soul.
i live for you alone.
every breath that i take,
every moment i am awake,
Lord had your way in me.

2007-01-19T11:46:00.000+08:00

it's not the best atheletes that will win but the best prepared. mr san how's. yep i agreed this, though reluctantly. i feel quite bad about losing the point. hard blow for those people who deserved so much better. i dint play anyhow or whatsoever, maybe i played too cautiously cos i know i cant slip up. things just dont go well somedays huh. sorry to everyone.

2007-01-17T23:44:00.000+08:00

oh, i think i lost my camera. let's see, i've already lost so many expensive things. an ipod mini, an adidas watch, handphones, and now an exilim. that totaled a cool $2000.

oh i feel like banging my head,
it's foolishness i know.
but when the world has seen how stupid i've been,
they will laugh at me,
like im laughing now yeah.

it just adds up to my worries. exams are soon and tabletennis eats up all my time. acutally, quite happy la. at least my team still give a damn about everything, so it makes it worthwhile. not like other schools such as NP and RP. just to make up the numbers. they can actually play and talk at the same time! haha. but at least a medal is guaranteed. i hope this team will get into the top 3 since the people there deserved so much better!

2007-01-14T14:38:00.000+08:00

oh i feel like dancing,
it's foolishness i know.
but when the world has seen Your light,
they will dance with joy like i'm dancing now.

2007-01-12T13:55:00.000+08:00

i'm struggling.
everything i do isn't deemed fit.
i'm really trying!
sigh la.

2007-01-02T13:50:00.000+08:00

i don't hate this sport, i just had no time for it! seriously i won't come back if it's for someone's sake. people are nice there generally, so i will be happy if i come for it. for some, they practice dictatorship and behave like a communist. this is not very nice. hi, we're in singapore, please show some democratic values in you please. it's crying shame and utterly disgusting that some people do show disrespect. i don't wish argue and i hope i gave in because i just won't stoop to that level. doesn't mean i acknowledge, does it? i've seen it all in this sport before, and it's quite tantalising to see a player like your character do exists. i have no adjectives to describe it at all. perhaps, you lacked a little humility in your character. basking on the so called big achievements you have attained. honestly, that's minute or even nothing. you should seriously learn from the people whom is in the national squad. great players, yet humble characters. i can introduce some of my friends there to teach you moral values, if you want to. okay, blogging isn't attacking people and creating conspiracy disposing harmony. deep down, i pray for salvation for all these people and i hope God will touch their hearts and change lives this year. Amen.

2006-12-14T00:14:00.000+08:00

sorry if i said too much. separation is healthy nonetheless. i feel so sucked in by them at times(though its for my good sake). but i really can't get committed to one thing. i tried, and failed then try again and failed more terribly. i'm just so bad at prioritising and making empty promises blah blah blah. christmas round the corner, i'd better pick up my feelings. and this christmas gonna be different and awesome. i'm not going to countdown in town this year, gonna have it in an event in parkview square. fingers crossed hard this time, no nostalgia please. okay. ive suppressed all these negative feelings i promised myself almost a year ago until its practically equivalent to zilch now. okay, i lied. almost then.

2006-12-03T01:04:00.000+08:00

i will sing, i will dance, i will shout your praises
i wont give up, i wont give in, never take away
i'm so crazy for you Jesus
i'm so crazy for you Jesus.

your ways amazed me and they make me say,
i know its by the spirit of the earty
come fill me up to overflow

i love the church and people to truck loads seriously.

2006-11-25T02:11:00.000+08:00

open up jem.
dont be cynical and bias your judgement.
gotta have faith in GOD when there is gloomy days.

2006-10-26T23:59:00.000+08:00

goodbye.

2006-10-13T13:16:00.000+08:00

you're always running.

2006-10-02T23:43:00.000+08:00

All hands on deck
Don't abandon the ship
You'll never know what it could have been
All hands on deck my ship is sinking
Don't let me go, don't let me drown

A step to the right to your own rhythm
And what comes next is up to you
I need a miracle to save me from this
And I need the angels to all pray for me
I can't believe you

All hands on deck
Don't abandon the ship
You'll never know what it could have been
All hands on deck my ship is sinking
Don't let me go, don't let me drown

Another day, another worry breaks right through
And indecision bleeds me dry
She's painting pictures I'm not making for her
And she's got a vision without me in mind
I can't believe it

The long walks on Moonlight Beach
The promises you could not keep
They're so contagious, you're so contagious
For all the world we did not see
And all the smiles you gave to me
They're so contagious, so very fake...

All hands on deck
Don't abandon the ship
You'll never know what it could have been
All hands on deck my ship is sinking
Don't let me go, don't let me drown

And goodbye to you, goodbye to you, you
And goodbye to you, goodbye to you, you

jem, you're so foolish.

2006-09-24T00:34:00.000+08:00

it's a little stagnant here with all these lyrics and videos. i shall write something now. holidays been so fast. it seemed so ydae i just went to SP. but i guess i dint really wasted that much of my holidays away. im happy i dedicated one of my weekend days to going church. but i ought to give more i know. its been really wonderful there. the guys there, davis, lixing, fengxu esp has been really great and took great care of me as if i was a little baby. i'm really glad to known you guys, and certainly i've learn alot alot from you all. i promised i wont be a backslider, i'll be faithful always and i will give my best to serve in a ministry once my rehab is 100%. oh, and catching up with people during the holidays. bernie, zhengjiang, fwah and tabletennis people. it's really nice and heart-warming to see familiar faces. haha. i really miss my sji gang. it's been long since i saw haikeong and co. no more KTVS, clubbings, drinking and visiting to different darkspots in singapore anymore since i've decided to lead a more purposeful life. YES. AMEN. but at least we still can get along together right? chilling in cafes, movies, pooling and perhaps playing our tabletennis and football? so many better choices to kill our time. oh, and i really wanna play guitar and learn it well too. really hope i could proceed to an electric guitarist. i'll try even i dont have musical genes in me. well, school in two days time. i really hope i'll be able to do something different this time. my parents had been awesome to me, i just hope i could do something to make them relieve. i know GOD is mercy and He loves me. i know i can play football again. i dont want to rush and risk anything, fingers crossed this time. *really hard

2006-09-19T10:10:00.000+08:00

2006-09-15T14:43:00.000+08:00

Aslyn - That's When I Love You

When you have to look away
When you don't have much to say
That's when I love you
I love you
Just that way

To hear you stumble when you speak
or see you walk with two left feet
That's when I love you
I love you...endlessly

And when your mad cause you lost a game
Forget I'm waiting in the rain
Baby I love you
I love you anyway

Cause here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
Cause that's when I love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn the more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love you
When I love you no matter what

So when you turn to hide your eyes
Because the movie, it made you cry
That's when I love you
I love you a little more each time

And when you can't quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
That's when I love you
I love you more than you know

And when you forget that we had a date
That look that u give when you show up late
Baby I love you
I love you anyway

Cause here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
Cause that's when I love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn the more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love you
When I love you no matter what

That's when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn the more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love you
When I love you
No matter what

No matter what...

P/S2 It's for NOBODY.

2006-09-10T13:55:00.000+08:00

sometimes i really wonder the dedication of my agent. he brought me into this club in the first place, and he is not giving me enough exposure on the pitch. for once, he left abruptly and i had to train alone. the players and dressing room atmosphere are really good, but i am still new and given the character of mine not easily warming up to new faces he got to integrate me into the crowd, not concentrating about talking to them. some players got along so well together, and i feel a little not being part of the family. maybe impatience getting on my nerves a little, or rather i feel i had so much more to give. he got to give me more games, i know i am good enough to be a first team player. i dont like being absent from trainings, but he forced me to skip at times. have i got the right agent? the manager got to know my existence. i dont feel inferior to the other players, maybe im even better, but like i said bonding is key.

P/S i'll keep singing this lie

2006-09-08T12:56:00.000+08:00

thank you for giving me so much these 19 years.
you're by far the most dedicating and compromising dad i've known!
you never blame me for squadering your hard-earned money, neither screaming at me for doing certain things you wouldnt like as much.
i feel so appreciative and guilt-ridden for you have been so supportively accomodating my needs in my lavished lifestyle.
i just wanna say a big thank for coming into my life, or er, bringing me on this earth because its such a HUGE blessing to have a biological dad like you! thank the real Father up there!
and afterall, you're my wonderwall!
though i dont have money now to buy you something, i'll cut my hair and do you proud since you dont like this stupid hairstyle i have now! hahahaha.
i promise i'll be wiser now when it comes to money. urgh. disgusted.

2006-09-03T19:21:00.000+08:00

please let me be open and transparent.
and i really pray for someone to guide me along.
im still a baby waiting to be fed.
i have so much to give.
i wanna atone, not just being forgiven.

2006-08-28T00:57:00.000+08:00

jesus saves.
and i could sing of Your love forever.
amen.

2006-08-27T01:26:00.000+08:00

Dear God, i know my soul lies within your presence. i pray you'll continue to watch over me as you'd always been. provide me with the utmost strength to get back on my feet again together with your divine healing powers. i pray all these with a big heart of mine filled with nothing but sincerity. amen.

2006-08-23T23:03:00.001+08:00

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2006-08-22T11:53:00.000+08:00

it is up to me to reverse the whole system.
i need a purpose.
i'll make it afterall, i swear.
and please do for the sake of the ones around you
very important, yourself.

we all hold the keys to change our lives for the better, doesnt it.

2006-08-21T22:09:00.000+08:00

lets be happy everyone and hope we will get so much more than we deserved.

2006-08-17T19:02:00.000+08:00

fluid mechanics quite chim hor Mr Kon.

2006-08-12T22:08:00.000+08:00

when i got tired of running from you
i stopped right there to catch my breath
there your words they caught my ear
you said "i miss you son. come home"
and my sins they watched me leave
and in my heart i so believed
the love you felt for me was mine
the love i'd wished for all this time
and when the doors were closed
i heard no I told so’s
I said the words I knew you knew
oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you,
I needed you

what a piece.

2006-08-08T23:10:00.000+08:00

at this rate i'm going, i'll be visiting woodbrigde really soon. i am super sad to get locked up at home because of dad and mom. i cant go against their wishes, can i? i need to go town and breathe the air there. i want to go church and worship god and hang out with the people. i dont need any retail therepy now, i just need to walk around outside and see people instead of staring at the walls home. i know i should stay put and mug or else i'll get heartbreak when the results are back. but its so difficult to coup yourself always. oh my, save me from me. i bet i'm the most boring guy anywhere you can find now. ah somebody give him some mental strength to pull this through. and i hope my plant utilities can get a B+, i'll be so dissapointed if its only a B. i know i'm trying to be so random here now and being such a whiny asshole because i'm trying to type this entry as long as possible just to pass some time and to vent some anger since i cant possibly scream suddenly out of nowhere and shock everyone and make them worry for me and they would think that i'm insane and i'll try to explain to them and makes me feel more frustrated than ever so i'll become even more crazy and woodbrigde would automatically come knocking my door earlier to prevent me to cause harm to people. what F_ _ _ ing entry is this.

URGH

2006-08-07T14:06:00.000+08:00

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall.

2006-08-01T22:24:00.000+08:00

Dear God,

thanks for the mercy and love you had showered over me during my darkest days. i pray you will grant me your healing powers as i recuperate day after day. i pray Lord, that you enriched me wisdom and guide me along during this important phase of my poly life. last but not least, i pray for the welfare of the people suffering around the middle east. Amen.

its really bad to not have yourself in good condition when exams are near. but anyhow, just thanks for the concern that i've received. i'm not some guy who is open to feelings and being expressive, but i know deep down it's within me.
okay, i shouldnt be at the com and i dont want to let my parents down. i must study bit by bit and by a slow pace just not to aggravate any injuries. sigh.

oh, i pray for the people at middleeast. i hope the conflict ends soon.

2006-07-22T02:28:00.000+08:00

its the little things people do in life that so struck your heartstrings.

and, thanks la brother. (if you read this)
that cd was super awesome.
i really like it and please dont be skeptical.
you'd been a great help in every way.

and, i think she's a very fun friend to hang out with.
but it stops there :)

2006-07-17T23:44:00.000+08:00

i feel i have split personality sometimes. i could get cosy for one time, and turn into a mute the next. and this is really bad. nicholas was telling how he was afraid to become a boring person in the future, and i'm in his company. ah, so sad.

2006-07-08T00:58:00.000+08:00

behin's back to singapore
& we had gathering today
we had dintaifung
and after that we went to benn&jerry's for some chilling
here's what we've got! :D

nicholas trying to get a little cosy here..

us, trying to be spastic here..

zhengjiang's trying to be funny here.. haha

no one's gonna be as narcisstic as them

yanlin's being so kiddy as always

jiang,wei,beh,fwah.

2006-07-06T23:09:00.000+08:00

boringgggggggggggggggg.
maybe i should try some studying soon!
like 24/7.! :D

2006-06-27T22:08:00.000+08:00

Dear Jamie I've got a letter I would like to send
It's lacking strings of words with punctuation at the end.
Should I trust this dial act?
To convey the right effect?

Dear Jamie I've got some things I'd like to set in pen
I would have used a pencil but that's just not permanent.
Should I trust my printer's ink?
To express the things I think?

Everything I've tried my best to think of something to contest
With inside jokes and all the folks could have much more to say

Dear Jamie this envelope have the resent my heart
I'll seal it, send it off and wish it luck with its depart.
This stamp will be every action and carry my affection
Across the air and land easy
Should I trust the poster's due?
To deliver my heart to you?

Everything I've tried my best to think of something to contest
With inside jokes and all the folks could have much more to say
Everything I've tried my best to think of something to contest
With inside jokes and all the folks could have much more to say

Give it up I can
Flower and a hand
I hope this helps you see
Signed Sincerely me.

2006-06-22T02:09:00.000+08:00

when you try your best, but you dont succeed
when you get what you want, but not what you need
when u feel so tired, but you cant sleep. stuck in reverse
when the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you cant replace
when you love someone, but it goes to waste
could it worse?

i think ive moved on.
i guess im not wallowing in self pity anymore.
i realise im still searching for the "exit door"
i know youve left on a jet place, destination must be beautiful.
i hope ill fix this mess up soon, done and chuck it away forever.
i wish i could pretend nothing has happened
i wish i could have seletive memory deletion.
i wish its not because of you that makes me feel so dreadful in life.
i wanna be back on track in life
i need to pray to get some luck in life.
i need that fucking ray of light to give me that fucking new lease of life.

2006-06-19T02:58:00.000+08:00

i dont feel any difference from what i was at this time a year ago.

and this really suck big big time.

:(

2006-06-16T02:21:00.000+08:00

retainers makes me feel restricted, vomitting and the most importantly i cannot talk properly. TA MA DE! hahaha. sentosa was okay la, wanted to work out so much else i'll be so stiff. and get some sun since i'm fair enough i think. oh, and i used the money i won(not much) and bought apparels for the trip there today. yay! government so nice all of a sudden. school's gonna start soon. not looking forward obviously. im dreading it because there's such a good show on tv now and everyone knows what is that. and damn those renovation workers.

i could get used to this.

2006-06-11T02:15:00.000+08:00

Dear _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ,

you're the closest thing to perfect, but the farthest from me.

<3

2006-06-08T01:01:00.000+08:00

so funny when people around me dont believe i actually play soccer.
okay, it's infuriating! i must say. frankly, i played since young? and ive always been the better player in my team? i followed soccer since i was just in pri 3. i believed not much people around me know as much stuff than i do. in fact, ive only met one opponent in terms of knowledge in football. and that's my best childmate! we watched, followed, played soccer with the big kids since so young. bottomline! im a soccer freak i swear. its stupid to pass judgement when you havent seen me play. you should even watched those big guys on the field who are so scared to head the balls at times. how ironic can that be. and to some, cant even play pass the freaking ball properly when ive havent gone to the positioning-wise part. you shouldnt just pass your comment like these. its so unfair when i can play so much better than most of them. and i dare to tell you they dont even know how to play the ball properly! oh wells. so much for being ridiculous.

2006-06-04T00:52:00.000+08:00

yay. it is the holidays. but i ended up on a bad note after failing my heattransfer test so miserably. and i had kfc and mac for dinner and supper consecutively, im falling sick of it. fast food is bad for health, i reckon. oh, boatquay was so quiet ydae. i wonder where have all the crowds been to. its so different from what it used to be 2 years ago. MOS must be sucking all the party animals to there. walked by gotham penthouse last night, nostalgia straight away consumed me. i still recalled i was there for a party last august and tada! im here outside again when it seemed it was just 3 months back. everything happened so quickly and i wondered whether i had cherish my time back then properly till now.

k. 3 weeks. better make full use of it. first up soccer/tabletennis. taking off my braces when it felt like i just put on. guitar lessons which is cool. driving perhaps. csc competition. lots of catching up, i hope. and study my e learning which is so boring.

good night DIARY!

lots of love. <3

2006-05-28T03:50:00.000+08:00

i think i kinda miss that feeling.

sat, town, loved ones, movie, eating, shopping blah blah and the list continues.

but somehow, it relived when you're with close people you know.

no matter how mundane the events would turn out to be, the company just makes it up.

im glad some people in this world still cares.

2006-05-23T23:54:00.000+08:00

give it up, before the hurt gets deeper.

let it go, before you make a mockery of yourself.

be realistic, cause im a wishful thinker.

be sane, cause she deserves better.

be jolly, because there's so much to give in life.

be relieved, since you're still breathing.

i absofcukinglutely loving blindly.

2006-05-22T03:01:00.000+08:00

so much for nostalgia.

and you know its not so easy when you're all alone,
and i wonder if i'm alone in your head.

2006-05-13T01:24:00.000+08:00

the early november - dinner at the money table

I've got a day and a reason
Why I should not believe in..anything, anymore
What's this for?
My time well spent
I've got all these memories that
I cannot believe in
Cause I don't know where
I've been all these years
All these years

And do you know this reason
I hope that you can see it cause
I will not give up
And we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..again

Two days after leaving and
I don't have a reason to keep you from being here
I don't stare these thoughts away
I know that you know this but
I could never get you to believe all my fears
Is this your clear?
I think so

And do you know this reason
I hope that you can see it cause
I will not give up and we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..again..again..and again

And do you know this reason?
I hope that you can see it.
Cause I will not give up and we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..

2006-05-10T01:25:00.000+08:00

what would you say if i asked you not to go,
forget everyone, forget everything, start over again.
would you take my hand and never let me go.
promise me you'll never let me go.

~~enlightenment, you've gone for far too long.~~

2006-05-02T01:21:00.000+08:00

i hope 2001 will have this design.
drop dead gorgeous la.
finally, i am not a noob anymore carrying a backpack to school.
i am looking forward to POLITE. maybe CSC a little.
training with freshies this week, so funny yet exciting.
so sad, no star/high profile players.
but i'm gonna be positive.

and cindy's eye got swollen.
i pray hard for her to get well soon.
else shenwei and i are gonna be so clueless to the girls team.

all of a sudden, i hope i can be a MAO ZEDONG. and start a revolution.

2006-04-28T01:45:00.000+08:00

and all these lines fall short of what I had in mind
a failed attempt to capsulize a feeling
so i just try, fail and try and try again
and someday i swear i'm going to get it

because i'm convinced that giving in is the worst thing there is.

2006-04-22T00:32:00.000+08:00

the past can be difficult at times especially when all your thoughts came flowing back suddenly in the middle of the night when most people are already in their beds. and i still do wonder whether i feel anything for _____ anymore, its been crazy everytime come to think about it. do i keep myself as busy as possible, a way for self denial escaping from a certain thing i dont wish to accept, or rather succumb to it. highly questionable since im in the situation of middle of nowhere. its so contradicting and i dont even understand myself. i am so 348957546 times unpredictable. okay, i think im trying to be consistent now. i wanna feel happy for the fact that she's move on and got herself a pretty decent guy right now actually, and carry on and start thinking of the life i wanna live. i dont really care relationships(so please stop asking/giggling/or making silly attempts to matchmake/my hair when so many people said its ugly or im wearing pretty ugly today or whatsoever. i just wanna go back to the life, where i can play pingpong like regularly, training with those guys and be at competitions and compete with people i even know. friends to go out with, doing stupid and craziest ever thing on the streets, fun and stuff. home to chill in and play my stupid games i have. i think what im lacking now is that something new and special that will keep me all going again. that spark that will make me consistent towards the objectivity im working on. so fingers crossed this time, really hard. its been long overdue, i know.

2006-04-18T22:41:00.000+08:00

mercy is your name, GOD.

please...

2006-04-17T00:31:00.000+08:00

i hope its just paranoia.
school's back.
hang in there, your luck will change.

2006-04-12T23:19:00.000+08:00

when was the night,
that showed us the signs.
revealed in the sky,
to leave all behind.
where to begin?
throwing caution to the wind.
we reach for the stars,
everything was now ours.

its so close, but we're so far away.

2006-04-11T14:15:00.000+08:00

do you see what i see?

do you hear what i hear?

2006-04-02T15:16:00.000+08:00

hello there. thank you for all the amazing memories. life would be so mundane w/o you. these 4 years i had with you was seriously the highlights of my playing career. you're so far, the best servant i had since 8. thanks for being good during the competitions, sorry for the harsh treatment you've got during trainings(due to my impetuos behaviour). i had you so cheap, but you've done so many wonderful work for me i couldnt ask for more. i sincerely, thank you for that.

and you, my new lease of life. please let me get back on track. you efforts wouldnt go unnoticed surely. TSP TRIPLE SPEED, i hope i can know you better and please treat me well.

2006-03-30T20:02:00.000+08:00

a case of identity mystery of your own, i am so eager to find out.

2006-03-16T01:54:00.000+08:00

sometimes i really wonder why do i write entries. like how did it get started off in the first place? its just basically inane ramblings! which not alot of people would understand. oh wells, perhaps this has become a place for me to rant and reflect whenever i do look back i guess? hahaha. i was out with bernie today and we were talking about her, and we all just felt it happened like not long ago, at most 2 months ago that 3 of us were kinda out together? which instead is, actually five months or smth? close to half a year already? hahaha. we were just so amazed how time passes by so fast. like a speed-train or smth travelling at 2343895996565miles/min. bleah. and also i was talking to zhengjiang during our walks, we were kinda like trying to figure out why teenage romances usually doesnt last. he said smth like, "i think when ppl used, absence makes the heart grow fonde r is utmost crap." which i totally agree. like the people u once were so close together doesnt even talk a single shit right now? grow fonder? think twice man. i really dont know why i still like to read the past entries of blahblahblah at times, when it has becomes smth ancient since its passed the expiry date for so long already. hahaha. and i wonder when will i get back to my true self. so please demon, get out of my body soon and let the angels invade okay? i cant seem to reason myself why i am continuing to be like this at times. haha, oh wells i shouldnt be really bothered about that actually. i MUST really try to end this. so fucking long, i am getting VERY impatient. very very very. aiyah i dont know what im talking about. bad night la. screw it.

2006-03-15T01:46:00.000+08:00

cause after this mess,
i guess you bet that i'd collaspe before you do
maybe thats true. ~~maybe not at all~~

how did you manage to do it, old friend.
your name here. ______, believe me.

WAITING FOR BETTER WORDS STILL NEVER COME,
TELL ME I AM OVER-REACTING.

2006-03-13T02:49:00.000+08:00

Far past these roads there is a placeWhere all of our precious dreams remainSomeday I know I’ll find a wayTo keep myself from holding on.Stay awake with the sound of my voiceI'm restless from the silence in the air.I want to be somewhere I can see the roadsA place where every time you breathe a wish comes trueI want to be where love is realAnd memories of distant days come to life againInside this room, time will stand stillAs long as I'm not aware of changeThe world outside leaves me behind by myselfThere's no mercy for those who hold on.Stay awake with the sound of my voiceI’m restless from the silence in the airI want to be somewhere I can see the roadsA place where every time you breathe a wish comes trueI want to be where love is realAnd memories of distant days come to life againFar past these roads there is a placeWhere all of our precious dreams remainSomeday I know I’ll find a wayTo keep myself from holding on.I want to be somewhere I can see the roadsA place where every time you breathe a wish comes trueI want to be where love is realAnd memories of distant days come to life again

the longest story.

2006-03-05T23:22:00.000+08:00

buy a rainbow smile says:
please love yourself more

buy a rainbow smile says:
times like these u gotta be selfish

buy a rainbow smile says:
in order not to get more hurt

silly me
this time is the last time!

2006-03-04T21:39:00.000+08:00

you're desperate for what its worthwhile.

ambulance romance my dear.

2006-03-03T01:20:00.000+08:00

inferior. psyched. demoralise.
admit it, wishful thinker.
you're totally from a different league.
this craving is too much for consumption.
look at a bigger picture and be a realist please.
and stop wallowing in self pity.
that will make you even more disgusting.
life's not much time to mourn.
gotta take what you can these days.
knock some senses into your head
and stop grudging.

urgh..... totally PWNED.
NOOB.

2006-02-28T21:48:00.000+08:00

Oasis.

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

to LEVIS JEANS:

thank you for pasting those lyrics on the cover.

i know you love them to bits. :D

confessions of a broken heart

2006-02-24T15:06:00.000+08:00

it was so strong, how did we put this at rest.
we were so young, i was so insensitive and stupid.
i made a huge mistake, i wanted a chance for a change,
but you decided to call it off a day.
you taughht me to love,
you showed how love was cruel and selfish in a million ways.
i spent all nights reminiscing about the pasts,
i prayed all mornings that you will speak to me again.
i tried avoiding places we gone to before and had so much fun
i resisted myself to open my cupboard and look through that awesome book u made for me at my seventeen birthday.
time has changed so quickly,
its a shame we have lost so many things that we will never find again
but it doesn't matter anymore to you anyways.
you have moved on and loved someone else,
while im still here holding on, totally forgotten how to love someone else.
because i know, i'll never be so lucky again to find someone as good as u.
as i end here, thanks for moving on and leaving me high and dry.
thanks for all those 18 months.

yours sincerely,

your number one fan always.

2006-02-20T01:43:00.000+08:00

revision is getting way too slow

i should seriously hit the "PANIC" button

so much expectations, so few efforts

please buck up.

so do tottenham.

a 2-2 draw with wigan isnt good!

please play andy reid and get some width on the field please.

(if you're reading this JOL) :D

2006-02-16T00:20:00.000+08:00

watching videosmania in the middle of the night is not a good thing i reckon. because they show all the old mtvs which make people nostalgic. for example, faith hill's there you'll be and 98 degress' I Do(cherish you). songs like these are like KILLERS. they make you reminisce so hard that puts you awake to 5am. plus, it was after V day that night. but VJ was kind, he said something like girls are cruel and we guys shouldnt put so much heart in it. they gets saturated in new romances and forget bout the old. dont bother about those promises being made, nights when we were both found at our best bla bla bla since it was just THAT period of time.

maybe i was really wrong
i misjudged you.

2006-02-15T23:31:00.000+08:00

2006-02-13T01:21:00.000+08:00

everything will change.

2006-02-12T15:06:00.000+08:00

She said

"don't, don't let it go to your head
boys like you are a dime a dozen,
boys like you are a dime a dozen"

She said

"you're a touch overrated,
you're a lush and I hate it
but these grass stains on my knees
they won't mean a thing"

And all I need to know
is that I'm somethin you'll be missin
maybe I should hate you for this
never really did ever quite get that far

Cause I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This'll be last chance you get to drop my name

Bloody. Maybe I should Really Hate You For This.
Maybe i should really stop thinking/hoping.

if im just bad news, then you're a liar.

BLOODY

2006-02-08T00:27:00.000+08:00

save yourself,

someone who loves you for you.

choose the one who loves you most.

2006-02-04T18:20:00.000+08:00

there are 2 types of soccer players.
1)imposing physical presence during the game, without applying the knowledge and skills.
2)knows the game, together with, skills, knowledge and the reading of the game(but lacked of physical presence.

i'm the latter definately.(not saying im very pro or whatsoever) i think each and everyone has our own very style of play, so we shouldnt actually criticise especially you're in the same team. but what disgusting is actually some1 who only knows how to ram the balls and allow his teammates to feed on the scraps, pretending he knows everything and assuming he is a footballing genius, actually scolded you when he had made a mistake and expects you to cover for him at the back? what logic.

morever, we shouldnt even try to play rough with our friends. i'm just sad for you that you placed glory over friendship.

2006-02-03T03:19:00.000+08:00

how to turn astray in 10 days.

they are seriously, absofuckinglutely ( fill in the blanks ).

oh wells, self-discipline i command.

i deserve a wholesome better man.

random:

i think music plays a big role in your life.

it affects you someway.

i should stay away from emo songs.

they brings you down.

2006-01-31T22:37:00.000+08:00

love isnt possession.
for all the efforts you have put, do not expect anything in return,
so long as the other party is safe and happy.

2006-01-30T00:14:00.000+08:00

i'll keep it simple for obvious reasons
and i'll say what i should and just hope you believe me
it never gets easier.

happy seventeen, huge crush.

2006-01-28T21:32:00.000+08:00

i could tell you the wildest of tales
my friend the giant and traveling sales
tell you all the times that I failed
the years all behind me, the stories excelled
and i'm drying out, crying out
this isn't how i go

i could tell you of a man not so tall
who said life's a circus and so we are small
tell you of a girl that I saw
i froze in the moment and she changed it all
and i'm drying out, crying out
this isn't how I go

son i am not everything you thought that i would be
but every story i have told is part of me

yep. better luck for me this year, i guess.
so, renunion dinner was absolutely great and warm.
tmr will be day1 of collecting the angbaos :D
oh wells, happy DOG year everyone!

P.S. I WILL SMILE AND TALK MORE OFTEN. PROMISE.

2006-01-25T21:29:00.000+08:00

i thought i wanted somemore attention,
i think that the truth is i'm scared.

2006-01-22T22:02:00.000+08:00

yesterday been good. caught up with bernie at sun plaza to watch a chinese tall story. after that, we hurriedly cab down to ang mo kio for soccer. unpleasantly but expectedly, it rained halfway before we could even kick half an hour of proper ball. came back for dinner to rest and prepare stuff. went kbox to celebrate haikeong's birthday. it was fun i guess with all the usual people. she came for awhile and left. emotions then got the better out of my head, i began to drink as much as i can. got into an unwanted drunken state, i puked all around in the room. it was really low-key point and i really felt dejected and helpless. i was repeatedly told she isnt the only girl in this living world and i gotta pick up myself again. i dont know when will it stop. time will tell. pulled down to boatquay and met xuebin's friends. he brought me back afterwards. so thanks pal.

my affectionate,

it just keeps guessing.

2006-01-21T01:35:00.000+08:00

i feel so hopeless and lost sometimes.
i wanna scream all my confessions to someone but i have no one to do it to.
i wanna confide all my problems but there just isnt a single soul to listen it out.
while all i can do is to suppress all my fears and pretend im ok.
so sick of being that state im in.
who i am hates who ive been.

2006-01-20T00:44:00.000+08:00

life is just like Mahjong.
who doesnt want their tiles to be 'shi san yao' or 'si xi'.
but not everyone is that lucky in life.
one should be content.
a ban se with 3 flowers. 5 fan, is good enough. LIMIT already.

2006-01-19T01:34:00.000+08:00

the things we think might be the same
but i won't falthom more
its just not me to wear it on my sleeve
count on the for sure

can't say I was never wrong
but some blame rests on you

2006-01-18T22:31:00.000+08:00

owells, marks the end of ivp.
criteria met, but could have kept a cleansheet.
backhander, i should've known better.
blame it on tiredness.
zhi cong, you are very lucky man! but nonetheless, congrats. :)
all the lineups, should i say were guessed rightly, but its that important third point that is lackin'.

11-6. 12-10. 11-9. (zhiren)
10-12. 11-2. 3-11. 11-6. 11-8. (xinping)
6-11. 9-11. 9-11. (zhicong)

not so bad for a comeback right, haikeong/yuanshan? bleah.

2006-01-14T14:56:00.000+08:00

funny how im still feeling this vulnerability of lost love.
funny how im completely gotten over.

are you glad for what you've got.
are you done with what you've lost.

hows life at the otherside of the clouds.
it must be so wonderful, so wonderful.

Before I let you go
Give me just one more night to show you
Just how I feel
I lost all my control
If it takes my whole damned life
I'llMake this up to you

I'm kinda like the waves that roll their whole life
Towards somewhere crashing it on the shore
That's blown in by the wind that carries the clouds
To hide my wish on a fallen star

A different kind of pain, is someone there to hold you
Is someone there to take you away from me

I tried to let you go
I wish I could turn back time and show
You just how I feel
I needed you to know
If it takes my whole damned life
I'll make this up to you

I'm kinda like the waves that roll their whole life
Towards somewhere crashing it on the shore
That's blown in by the wind that carries the clouds
To hide my wish on a fallen star

A different kind of pain, is someone there to hold you
is someone who take you away from me

Before you let me go, I needed you to know
if it takes my whole damned life
I'll make this up to you

2006-01-13T00:08:00.000+08:00

good game. good fight. praise JESUS CHRIST.
we nearly created a miracle today!
the doubles could have won man.
anyhow, its good xuebin and i won our singles to prevent a total washout of 5-0.
the coach must be a happy man, i bet.
he did not even go today. like ok, i know we wont win, so why bother making the trip down?
but isnt that your job? like where's the sense of responsibilty?
but hey? we could have even won if you were there.
it feels so weird supporting against my good friends, like we still are a team in our heart. but i know from what i see today, we all 4 had lost the passion in the sport. all of us dont even train much now. but i know, we know, good things dont last forever. at least we won so many trophies together as a team before. i still recall we promised each other we'll go to the same school after our o's, but it doesnt seemed to be. maybe you guys should've put in a little more effort during o's so we could go njc together. but oh wells. i just miss the SJI TEAM.